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Asexual Encounters

I’m sitting alone with a woman at the LGBT center before the nurse comes in to draw my blood. She’s asking me some questions about my sexual history. Eventually we get to talking about the asexual discussion group that I had started. She asks me if there would be a minimum age for attending.

Confused, I tell her, “No... I hadn’t thought of that. Why do you ask?”

She says, “Well, because of all the traumatic experiences...”

I sit quietly for half a second, unsure how to respond— the nurse walks in and interrupts the conversation.

The HIV test comes back negative.

* * *

The same LGBT center some weeks before, someone asks if I myself am ace.

“I identify as gay and asexual.”

“You must have broken a lot of hearts,” he replies.

“Yeah...” I give a fake chuckle and sigh.

* * *

I’m at a local bar with friends at an event raising funds for a local trans charity. I’m thoroughly enjoying a dance performance of “Ride” by Ciara. A drag queen comes up to me and asks, “Is this boy making your pussy wet?”


“Because mine is SOPPING.”


It’s the night after Pride and my friends take me to a lesbian bar. This guy I’ve been secretly crushing on asks me to dance. I’ve never danced with anyone before. I do what my body wants to do. I do what I’ve seenon high school dance oors. There’san exhilaration to being this close, but I feel as if my body is betraying me.

Am I leading him on? I can see the effect my body is having on him. He seems like he might not be sober. I don’t drink. I wonder now whether our bodies pulsing in rhythm was supposed to mean anything. I don’t see him again.


“I was reading BBC and saw a piece about Asexuality— it was really interesting to hear different people’s perspectives about living in a hyper-sexualized society.”

“Yeah, there’s this prevailing ace narrative about feeling ‘broken’... it’s not really something that I identify with.”

“Ah, ‘ace’— I like that better. Yeah, it didn’t seem very positive.”



he, him, his

School of Architecture

Class of 2019, Master of Architecture

This piece was an opportunity for me to reflect on the experiences I’ve had as a gay ace and the assumptions that have been made about my identity by others in the queer community. It’s also a collection of conversations I’ve had about these events where I talk a bit about what I’ve learned and how they have shaped my self-perception. Given the prevalence of the online scene in the ace community I thought it fitting that the conversations about asexuality that I wanted to have (and the people who I’ve found to whom I relate most) are online.

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